Wednesday, June 3, 2015

The skeleton da da da da da da da da

 

The skeleton 
da da da

Hi I'm Angus, detective Angus     
I'm  at the beach and I see the skull that my boss Mason. He sent me to investigate 
I don't see people at the beach I wander that the skeleton  might be
I think The people are d  dead or scared of the skull man it is cold tonight.
I put the skull in my car and I went to my official I found out that it has 12 or more teeth in the skeleton mouth and I think it's 
A a deer skulls because it looks and it has 2 hole on this head it could of had antlers on it .Oh no a deer is deadly dead 
No a dead deer.
No no no no no a deer
No not a deer.  
 Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo a deer.im so sad because It's a deer a deer dead oh man a deer. a deer a deer a deadly deer I'm so sad I'm so sorry deer because you died deid deid year (sorry deer) .the dead deer was brave but not brave enough he got shot in the face.
 

The end
By Angus 


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”Writing Sample”
Purpose: To share our writing goals with our parents and evaluate how well we did so we can improve. Our parents can then help us at home.
WALT: PIES
Task:
Choose your favourite story so far from this term
Reread to make sure it makes sense, does it match my walt?
Do some more writing to finish
Fix up spelling, paragraphs, capital letters so that it’s ready for a reader
Get a buddy to read it
Publish writing (do a good copy of it)
Get an adult to check it.
Put it on your blog

Copy and paste title, purpose, task
What is your writing goal?
Put a target on your goal for this term: 🍔

Generating Ideas
thinking, planning, brainstorming, building 

Organising Idea
thinking, mapping, sifting, sorting, re-wording 

Words
adding detail, language features, nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, both technical and precise.

Sentences
simple, short, long, complex, compound, variety, connectives, adverbial, adjectival🍔


Re-crafting
reading, re-reading, re-crafting, adding punctuation, adding, taking away, seeking feedback.


Copy and paste your favourite sentence here: Why is it your favourite sentence?
I'm  at the beach and I see the skull that my boss Mason. He sent me to investigate
Because I thought about my sentence and it was great 

What challenged you the most and why?
I had to think about it because it was hard to think about what I was going to say 

What do you need to get better at in your writing and why? 
I need to get better at sentence because I write less words 
How can adults help you with this goal 
I could put my goal on my reading log and then our mums and dads can help
You with our learning






1 comment:

  1. Feed forwrd one of your sentences dose not make sense.. Feedback your story is interesting.

    ReplyDelete